If you're a single woman , more than anyone else, you live under constant pressure to justify your life and your choices. People are perplexed whenever a woman is not in the state of perpetually wanting love and companionship; women are the people to whom "constantly in need of someone else" has been eternally ascribed, and it feels like no one quite knows how to process a woman's existence if her life doesn't revolve around a relationship status.
But the reality here is that " being in a relationship " is not synonymous with "being loved and cared for. Being involved with another person means hard work that doesn't always get reciprocated.
It means compromise that, for some people at certain points in their life, isn't always worth it in the end. Dating is simply not something that everybody wants to do—and nobody should have to justify not wanting to do it. The default excuse that people who aren't interested in dating pull out to ward off people who want to comment on their dating status or rather, lack thereof tends to be the same: "I'm focusing on my career right now.
So for anybody looking for a little bit of affirmation or resolve, here are some perfectly good reasons you might be choosing to hold off on pursuing romantic things right now—and why that's totally, perfectly OK.
What most people don't understand is that you aren't opting out of relationships right now because you hate them. It's the opposite actually: When you DO get into a relationship, you want to do it perfectly. You want to be a great partner to someone. Part of that means taking their needs and wants into consideration when making decision, which is just something you aren't interested in doing right now. You want to move where you want, do what you want with your weekends, not be obligated to someone else's obligations.
And that's fine. How many people are doing that, but are in relationships at the same time, thus hurting people with their desire to self-direct? That's selfish. There's nothing wrong with wanting autonomy in your existence. All this hedging that people do over dating apps is so tiresome to me. But just, like, could you just care a little bit? How did you see your own dating patterns change when you got on the apps? There used to be a lot more randomness. You read the book — in the past, a lot of bad things have happened to me.
But I do remember having a lot of fun, and the kind of fun that was about being an independent young woman in New York. It was random. It was a mystery. It was magic. Then I went on dating apps, and I felt like I was in service to the app. It was labor. They also might be an incel. You might be having a good conversation but then they want to get a nude, or they want to come over right away and you say no, and they turn on a dime and turn abusive.
I definitely met some interesting guys, and the reason why I was going out with younger guys was because I was trying to get over a heartbreak and it seemed like a fun thing to do to date a year-old for a minute as a nice distraction. One of the moments in the book that stuck with me is the feeling of trying to explain to a male friend — someone who likely thinks of himself as a feminist — about sexism and watching his eyes just totally glaze over.
We will often just leave our partner because we are too young to commit. And what other phrase has increased? Twenty-year-old Georgia college student James feels that way.
The stress alone is ridiculous. Social media may play a role in the superficial, emotionless ideal of iGen sex. Early on, teens especially girls learn that sexy pictures get likes. Social media and dating apps also make cheating extremely easy. Rarely, if ever, do you find someone who really cares. But either way, the success rates are low.
Online dating sites and apps provide users with a large pool of prospective suitors, and some of them use algorithms to provide you with mate suggestions that more closely match what you are looking for. For people who are shy or introverted, these online means of selecting and interacting with a potential date can provide a less confronting way to initiate a connection. Messaging, video calls and phone chats can help someone get a better sense of a person before committing to an actual face-to-face meeting.
Read more: Looking for love on a dating app? You might be falling for a ghost. With the potential opportunities afforded by online dating sites come some cautions people need to be aware of. When it comes to the size of the dating pool, the statistics noted earlier suggest that despite the number of possible matches, the success of finding someone is quite low.
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